Ken Logro

I don’t think it’s unusual to hold turning 30 with the necessity of ceremony and ritual. For most of the last 10 years, it had always looked to me like spending a month in Europe. Well, that has turned out to be something I’ve now been doing more or less every year, and so the weight of its appeal has softened into an indulgent privilege from what was then a hallmark of rare occasion. What privilege for it to now be within a realistic set of choices, than a dream to toil for.

The same goes for Japan, but I tend to go there more often because it’s obviously easier to. All this to say, it made little difference whether I spent the ceremony of turning 30 in Japan and Europe—I’ve grown into someone who knows how to spend their time, what pleasures to seek out, what company to keep. I’ve worked hard enough to make “I could always go to Europe” a reality. I chose to go to Japan for practical reasons most of all. Almost anywhere was going to work, but Hokkaido had always been a place I’d admired from afar. The last time I’d written something of rigour and length was a piece set in Hokkaido, somewhere around Furano. The remoteness of it all was something that was easy for me to romanticise. There was only actually going there left to be done.

I’d intended to spend more of the 11 days I’d intended for this trip in the less popular Hakodate, then a couple of days in Sapporo to visit my favourite polar bear. But a week before my trip, an earthquake had struck around northern Japan, and tsunami warnings were abound. So I dropped the idea and decided to simply stay in Sapporo for the whole of the 11 days. I’d done it before in Bangkok, Kyoto, and Copenhagen, and I’ve learned slowly and deeply getting to know a city was my preferred way of travelling.

Recounting the trip to everyone I knew back home just went like me saying versions of “I ate and drank every day.” After the first three to four days, everything had started to blur into a single day of eating and drinking wine and cocktails…and you know what, that was exactly the rest I needed. Uninhibited pleasure

I had most looked forward to the seafood Sapporo was known for, showing up in my first meal no less. Ebi broth ramen and an ebi onigiri I’d turned into a makeshift risotto towards the end of the ramen bowl. Perfect

What a delight it was to have the simple choice of retiring to my hotel room after dinner. I didn’t need to go to a bar simply because I didn’t want to yet. I didn’t need to be on time for midnight for my birthday, because who’s counting? I woke up from a nap some 30 minutes before my 30th, and it was then that I decided to go for a drink.

Airport slash bed hair

The first few hours of my 30s I spent drinking at Bar Pavane for the first of many times in this week. I would later come to fall in love the constellation of bars and restaurants tucked inside the many buildings of Susukino and Odori. Pavane was one of them, and I should say had the best view of all, overlooking a street from the second floor. A small bar with only a few counter seats—if you knew me, you would know this is exactly my style.

** **Martini, always

The next day on my birthday I was pleased to find out that the cherry blossom trees were in full bloom around a stream near my hotel. I had made it a point to dress in my favourite Lemaire jacket, of course

Saint Laurent sunglasses, Lemaire jacket, Uniqlo turtleneck, Studio Nicholson trousers, Celine boots, Toteme bag

Most excited about the kaisendon this trip. The crab soup wasn’t something to scoff at either

Birthday lucked and found the Auralee shirt I’ve had my eyes on

Birthday dinner at French Panda. Thank you Micah for the tip

My indulgence this trip in a nutshell

Sweetest Mama-san and her jazz band who gave me a birthday song

Best kaisendon

One other highlight was finally meeting my favourite polar bear Lila. I’ve been really invested in a couple of polar bears in Japan for the past few years—Lila in particular has my heart. I went to Maruyama Zoo the first time and didn’t see her, but the second time she really put on a show for everyone!

Excellent meal and wine selection at gaucher. The chef didn’t speak English but luckily had trained in France and we were able to speak in French for a while. Couple-run restaurants are the best

Best one from Wineman this trip. Upon closer review, this was a vintage I’d already had and loved from Kyoto last year! I really know what I want, huh

Asami-san

Matsuriya was an absolute highlight of the trip. Local recommendations feel so good to acquire and experience: it feels so right and true. I had come into Sapporo blind, also having difficulty finding recommendations online. But discovering my own kind of Sapporo—making it my own—made everything all the more enjoyable. I wouldn’t have had it any other way, and it’s inspired me how to travel better in the future.

Gyokusuien was another thing I discovered on my own, and was a place that got me some compliments from the local friends I’ve made on the trip once I recounted my visit to them. Koshiro-san was fluent in English so it was easy to get recommendations. I’m writing this blog drinking their hojicha, which was excellent paired with their soft cream matcha parfait.

Suginome was another highlight—their crab course is a must for seafood lovers like me. The staff were kind enough to even give me a tour of the years-old house the restaurant was in, plenty of private rooms with the most beautiful motifs and even Ainu craft.

Kibori kuma everywhere!

My favourite haul of the trip was in fact these ceramics from Licht. Akiko-san was gracious and so warm with helping me get the pieces I needed. I’ve never been so in love with objects: the Hironobu Ishikawa kettle and plate combo weren’t intended to be together, but my finding the combination in having both was such a satisfying light bulb moment. Creative shopping!

Back in Wineman, Asami-san had me try this 2020 Pinot Noir from Domaine Takahiko 🤯

There’s something to be said about my palette as of late: beige, browns, greys, tans… I wonder if I’d ever circle back on colour.

C’est tout ! I tried seeing Lila again on the last day but failed to see her. The gold I struck was instead through Chihiro-san, who spoke fluent English, telling me all the Japanese polar bear lore I could have asked for. She was so kind as to even give me the fan merch she made, some keychains of Lila that now come with me and my house keys every time I leave the house.

All in all it was an indulgent, if not boring trip. But I loved every second of it. Most days I wish I’d have gotten up sooner, but I think my sleep inertia isn’t something I should hold against myself, and I didn’t, so I enjoyed every day regardless. After all this, I still really have little else to say about turning 30 other than I think the point of life is to eat and drink and laugh. Whenever I’m too busy living, there’s no time for rumination. I feel good and I’m more than grateful.

I went on my first mountain hike yesterday and one thing lingers on my mind: how amazing that some hours in nature have managed to heal psychic damage of just a day before. It was as if I hadn’t recently been anxious or stressed at all.

I have little else to say. I think there are more beautiful vistas, but this mountain in Rizal did not disappoint. Perhaps it would’ve, if there’d been more people, as is usually the case with more popular hiking trails. But there was an acceptable amount of people around, enough to remind me of the vastness of the earth, and away from the claustrophobia of the internet. This all lent perfectly a labourious but pensive walking, with good company no less—perhaps exactly the kind of emotional purging that was needed.

With the way my mind has been put through much fatigue, it seems my body has happily offered to take on a share of it. My body aches but my mind is clear: in this funny state I can say I’m well-rested and ready to take on the week ahead.

I couldn’t have made it clearer how stale the new year had felt like in my earlier post. It’s been a thought that’s lingered so much so that I find it such funny timing having explained to Nicole what the word “malaise” means just the other day.

Interestingly but not surprisingly, the new in new year has been ramping up, and I feel energised just as much as I am stressed. It simply isn’t the same tiredness as the bog of malaise anymore. It’s been an eventful past month, and there is an assortment of new things to me.

For one, I find myself falling in love (if I already haven’t) with our fat office cat Pororoy. I have always known myself to be a dog person, unbothered but also not enamoured by cats; and I have in fact known this cat for two years and between two names (the correct one allegedly being Troy).

The more I touch him every office day, the more he would come to me and the more we would grow some kind of primal understanding and uncomplicated attachment that I would imagine to be the simple kind of love I wasn’t ever accustomed to. Seeing him brings me joy, knowing him brings me joy. I send clips of him to a friend in Denmark every time I’m in the office; the routine of him brings me joy. “Love is as love does”, bell hooks writes.

Apart from reading, this past month was also a good month for moviegoing. My favourite was Resurrection. I love cinema captured in its complex life-imitates-art-imitates-life-like breadth (talking about the film) and the sheer existence of it (talking about how amazing it is to just see films be made, shown, and seen). I like life this way.

Lastly, I find that this palpably good mood is underscored by my more intentional dressing up on “regular office days”. I used to intentionally dress down on regular days to (1) not misplace importance on the regular (2) preserve the specialness of my “special” clothes. I reflected on this with my therapist, and I think dressing up and honouring the way I show up in the world with the self-realised version of me that’s available to me now makes every day worth getting out of bed for. It can really be that simple, and I’m happy it is for me. One of these past few days I found myself thinking in passing: every day is special, and special days are special. Let me just write that down.

KameManNen glasses, Studio Nicholson top & bottom, Hereu loafers, rings from Paris and @mirrobeads.

I feel so much like myself! I don’t know a better feeling, mostly because I am the way I am. Grey is a colour I’m very much in love with lately. I can’t get enough of it. Especially mixed with brown… I can’t explain the charm.

This is the new Akong Gugma piece we have at the cafe. Another new thing. My colleagues are probably sick of me saying this but… beautiful.

Brevity was never my strong suit, and neither was focus. In fact, I feel that I’ve been losing focus more than I’ve been growing sensitive (as I’ve claimed to be). It’s a pale feeling, not unfamiliar—and then a bit bothersome. I can’t be brief about it. Like previous attempts at self-expression, it will likely feel insufficient than otherwise.

At the risk of becoming too self-aware, I had to start off with that to explain what this is. The only things I want for this is to have something to say again, and to do it in a way that feels like me, before all of this. But also, it’s worth noting that before all of this, I was unhappy too. Again, in fact, I feel that I’ve now been happier—content—than before. So in that sense I will not be doing things with some trite nostalgia, but rather in a way where I carry that unsullied spirit of doing with whatever else I bring with me today. The common denominator, if anything, is melancholy

New Year’s Eve in Tokyo passed me by. The countdown in Shinjuku was unimpressive—I’d have preferred sleeping in if not for my cousin insisting that we do it. Lots of places stayed closed in the days the followed. In as much as nothing to do isn’t unwelcome in itself, the disappointment of being inhibited left a bitter taste

On my first night I had a few amazing glasses at Nikai though, upstairs of Kabi. Kentaro was excellent

At the end, as I was requesting for a last glass I had mentioned to Kentaro that I like “to go deep”, and so he brought me a Chenin Blanc from 2012. It was proper earthy, and then heavenly once I asked for some cheese

It was a few boring days after New Year’s, save for some shopping. I found my new favourite pair of trousers from Studio Nicholson

And this coat from a Japanese brand

And then this antique store around Asakusa. I spent almost an hour pacing back and forth, admiring everything in here. Interestingly, the objects aren’t all Japanese

There was a sale in the second store in front of the main one, and I bought a couple of things on display. Some dried plants c. 1940, some ceramics. Particularly obsessed with the slim vase

It snowed a bit too, which, shopping bags in tow, was unexpected but still amusing

And then a nice time at Wineshop Flow

Going to Ueno Zoo felt like a waste of time after two hours, which was unfortunately the case. More or less because I was with family and it was hard to get a hold of everyone. Dea and Ikoro the polar bears were very cute, especially as they went for a swim, but it was expectedly sad to see the state of their enclosures

Enjoyed seeing this Daido print at what is perhaps my favourite curry spot in Tokyo

I had a good izakaya run during this trip, and most memorable would be all the seafood we had at one with the tiniest door at Nakameguro. It was an appreciated break from all the yakitori

Very nearly finished this book by the end of the trip

I loved this look the most, which I wore on my last full day

That night I did a nighttime tea course with my mother. A funny bit was when the staff gave my mother my matcha martini instead of the non-alcoholic one. I could’ve sworn it was really just low ABV

What had sufficient ABV were the three martinis and the cardamom highball I had at the bar I’d been eyeing across our hotel in Meguro, which had stayed closed until the very last night.

In these past few days of thinking about what sparks something in me, that I could understand what I should be aiming for this year, I keep coming back to the feeling of being in that dark, smoky room, in the best kind of drunk you could ask for. Like I alluded to earlier, I recognise the face of happiness now, and with me in that room was just that.